Does this happen… life is going by on the side.. and one very fine afternoon. You sit thinking about that one moment you can’t share with anyone. That one moment totally owned by your heart, that one decision thereafter which your life would have never been the same.
Why would I keep thinking of those moments again and again. I mean there is ofcourse a closure right? What does it mean if these feelings haunt you once every week. Whats up, brain chemicals? OMG my instincts is it?
Is this the feeling that somewhere a train is leaving?
A flight is taking off.. and you somehow had to be there.
Are Goodbyes ever enough?
What if something is pending?
What if you have to do something about it?
This feeling rules all romantic movies. Doesn’t it?
Going after someone you love at the airport, train station, travelling the metro, saying good bye but not really meaning it or stopping a plane because you want to declare your love, has ruined us for life. Expectations hell yeah! Its not love until the train stops. Apart from life long romance, when someone runs and wins after getting motivated. When your superhero fights with all his might and beats the shit out of the antagonist, it creates a funny feeling in your chest and tummy and suddenly you feel everything is justified.
These feelings I just described are the essence of life, my life. I live my life waiting for these moments. Come on, aren’t we living in a time where people take drugs to experience love and butterflies in their stomach. I thought why don’t I revel in these moments without any judgements.
Okay so, I am an Aquarian woman. Falling in love and expressing it are big challenges. Hell, even maintaining eye contact with people I do not want to look at comes as a huge challenge. But do you know what!! I feel 200% more on the inside. I am a Bollywood dreamer on the inside. I rehearse my meetings with my loved ones. I can live the moment way before it happens and experience my ecstasy just through my thoughts.
I always have believed in going out of the box. I will do things that are impossible.
I will take a flight alone, I will travel miles for someone I feel all this and I will make it look like it was nothing. Just another day in my life. What no one knows is that these days of my life are the ones that make me come alive. 4 days of living just by my instincts has given more to me in experience, in understanding of myself and most importantly my capacity to be in Love, with the moment, with a person, with me when I am there, the place, the magic of that feeling.. See ‘Bollywood’
I am good at scripting, story telling, taking the fantasies straight out in the open and proving to my own self that I can actually live through my fantasies.
There are flip sides to this,
1) You have to be ready for whatever happens
Living like this definitely does not give any guarantees and the very fact that you are true to your self will keep you ready even in the face of rejection.
I have asked many a people sometimes to have another coffee, or have a drink or go
on drive. And because there is no intention in it, escape for the coffee, drink or drive
it is easier to handle a ‘No’. More often that not, this no also comes very politely. That
person is going to remember you and probably dream of meeting you again no matter
how many years it takes.
2) Your heart will be broken
Heart break as I have observed is more painful when done for someone’s acceptance and quite matured when it comes against what you totally are in tune with. Simply
being, its much easier to accept a heartbreak after you gave it your all and it reached a point of rejection. You will be practical in accepting that the latter part did not work out. But you are going to live the rest of your life with pride.
3) Your near and dear ones won’t be able to relate to you
This is living on the edge. For me, this is being a real human being with no garbage in the mind. You are free, no burden. Yet remember that we all live in a system and you
would have family and friends and they won’t be able to relate to the person before you did this and the one after. Something changes and it is always for the better. Because this process is of becoming a best friend of your self.
4) You will sit afternoons or nights wondering about what ifs
Just like me today. Yes, if you live your life this way, which is actually your own way, you are going to have soul questions popping up and you will be forced to slow down and confront them. This is your best friend demanding answers, nudging you to go on and do more crazy.
On the path of self friendship, you will encounter all this and more, the elements which bother you for example the crush you had your heart on or a soul connection you fell in love with are mere reflections. The journey is you and you are the journey. Probably through the Rubik’s cube of life, you may even meet again and give the seeking energy its warmth.
My tea is over and through this write up I have answered my soul questions for now. 🙂
Gotto go do crazy.
What else do you expect a Bollywood and dance fanatic to do, Sit in office and listen to Diljit Dosanjh?
Hell yes I am.
In my thoughts.