A minute and a half

She typed her fire statement in bold with her deep black ink pen onto the white crisp sheet of paper she snatched from under her latest reading book. That was the statement in her mind which brightens her eyes, makes her leave everything she is doing and get to writing it all down. The fire statement put another bomb line for her to proceed into a river full of words that she maneuvered across a path to the ultimate sea of understanding. She has a quick realization. She has left her food prep for dinner at the kitchen table and her dedicated husband in the living room without giving any notice of her downpour coming. She checks her watch. A minute and a half later he is at the door of her study and asks her the question she hates. ‘What are you doing here?’

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Now our madam is so used to a life of her own and her own times of motivations and movement, it was always a challenge to explain what she felt, why she felt it at that exact time and why she found it so precariously important to forget everything and get it done.

At the same time, her last 5 years had been steadily stabilized and pushed into the routine she dreads and runs away from by her ever loving and a complete opposite lover. He was too innocent for her complex and smart brain to deviate her from all the drama she created to avoid settling down into a domestic life with him. His innocent questions at her attempts to break up the relation logically, her disappearance into distant places for a day or two with no trace and her flared anger at physically pushing him out of her spectrum were the things he responded to with such a sensitivity it forced her into guilt.

She had not given up these vicious attempts, she had learnt to be easy in her reactions as none of the forceful things worked with this one. He just grew stronger in his hold of her but like the water that takes shape of the vessel it is in. She had no defense beyond his surrender.

Yet, time and again the free soul inside her tested his abilities to hold her without her consciously choosing to do so. Quite simply that is how her life had been. Alert, fierce and swooshing around like the wind out of the grasp of anyone who tried to hold her and name her as a form. She was formless, but she loved to stay with a simpleton sitting on the top of a mountain enjoying his breeze as it floated by. Her only place of solace. Her security. At times, when he entered her room to check on her, or the fact that he could not leave her alone more than a minute and a half, intrigued as well as irritated her.

As she toyed the idea of answering his question with utmost honesty or the best possible lies she could tell, she smirked at his naivety. Her imagination went ‘Do you have to always know what I am upto and follow me. Don’t you understand I need space?’ and break his heart for a day and a half, essentially giving her the space she required to create what she wanted. OR ‘What if…’ she thought.

She picked her heavy black nibbed pen, smiled at him and called him over to see if she had penned down her thoughts about this space a woman craved for, well enough in these first two statements.

His naive mind would seize the opportunity and suggest her 8 to 10 things she could better, which is when she retreated to her desire for her day and a half of silent space again.

 

Pic Courtesy: /brainsnorts.files.wordpress

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Thank you Bieber.

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Very popular Justin number ‘what do you mean?’ Its got this amazing beats as per the tick tocking of a clock. Loved it

Thank you for making me understand my mom partly. Most of my life has been saying one or many things mentioned in the lyrics of this song trying to get near to what she really means, wants and what  I should do for her.The line ‘argue all day, make love all night’ does not apply.. but ‘make tea and snacks when I don’t want’ does apply after all the arguing.

Mothers everywhere are really special creatures. Very unique, intense. Mostly annoying. She is the only mystery I let be intact. And hence, this song works best to describe her. Every Sunday she portrays my entire life in a single breath for 15 min and asks me questions even GODS were not asked when they created this world.

Now that I think, I feel most of Justin Bieber’s songs are about talking to my mother. Its almost always late to say sorry.

 

 

 

Good bye 2017

How are you? How is your life? How much has it changed since the last time I wrote? 😛

Hiya, its been an awesome year with 2017 2016 was like a kick in the gut and 2017 continued but I somehow learnt to deal with that kick.

I want to thank 2017 for everything. I can literally see the whole year in my imaginations. I have thrown more than a dozen people out of my life. Proud to say, I have zero tolerance for negativity and mediocrity. There are some who just do not deserve a seat at your table.Here is something I am vouching for, getting rid of the people who are not meant for you is the single most important aspect of your success in life to begin. Yes, I experienced it first hand.

I have realized the importance of keeping the energy clean in office, at home and within. Everything revolves around our energy and it is our duty to keep it positive and active.

I have learnt to be happy and calm when broke. Basically I have learnt to live life as a broke person. My earnings are no longer monthlly. They are anytime and most of the time they are not there and it is FINE. I spent 2016 dying of guilt that I had less money than what I assumed was a limit to live with. Now I have none and yet my work continues.

Most importantly I have learnt to be happy with what I have. Sounds cliched. It is not. We all dream of more, want more and have a standard we want to reach and that drives ambition.  To keep my sanity and bring in more peace I drove away ambition. Ambition gives you and your near ones a lot of pain because you are always chasing an image, blindly ever so. Its not healthy and definitely not positive.
I am not ambitious anymore. I enjoy the process of doing something. AND THAT HAS given me happiness.

Another gift of killing ambition is I learnt to delay gratification and in some cases I achieved cancelling it out altogether. Ambition subconsciously makes you want and get things you don’t need but only because you  aspire to look something and be something you are not. It becomes difficult to resist the temptation to not follow that ambition. But when you deny ambition, you get real and understand from a soul perspective, if you really NEED something. The answer is always a NO.

I learnt that anger, greed and trying to prove my point is a waste of my energy and gives me no benefit. So I am leaving that behind. But I give myself full permit to give bad words at the right time so that I remain free from any baggage.

I have found Joy in giving. Doing something nobody would expect me to do. I bake cakes for no reason or occasion. I take a drive with my dogs with no purpose. I invite random people for tea and see them happy. It doesn’t take a lot.

MOST IMP – I learnt how to take care of my skin and do make up. Yes. As shocking as the words me and makeup in same line is, this art of creating a face with features and colors got me hooked. It gave me a break and took me away in imaginations. I started playing with different elements in color cosmetics and there is so much to learn. Its fabulous. And I love to do it to friends and family getting ready to go to a wedding. The basics of mascara and a lipgloss I reserve it for me.

Lots of good lessons haan. They don’t come easy honey and for that I am thankful.

So 2018, as you would have derived is going to be a GREAT YEAR. It is going to ROCK.

Its all inside of us.

The lows of life and creativity

 

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For a while I wondered the motivation in me to be able to write down something that feels soul filling when done. The feeling that it presents a great opportunity and ‘feelings’ for me to pen down something wonderful just because I own the narrative. And the necessity of this expression is what fuels the need to write it down.

Let me simplify. I have found that when I am low, bogged down with questions of life and trying to go deep into the why of something, I do come with certain conclusions and they propel me into wanting to put it across.

While pondering in this introspection, I also researched quite a few of us brilliant souls, who happened to kill themselves. Chester Bennington’s death really purged that question in me – Why?

Then I happened to remember many as such – Jim, Kurt, Amy, Robin Williams who killed themselves. We accepted their early departure and moved on with pity.

When life treats you a different roller coaster than ordinary people, it takes you to extreme highs and lows. These experiences etch in memory and form patterns to decipher and react to.

Gruelling paradoxes of life really unsettle the deep thinkers. Because life has to make some sense in black and white for them to be able to live this life with one outlook. I hold this obsession too. There is an eternal questioning to mark life in one strong adjective for all. And yet the poets in us resonate with this deep realization that it is never so. Again, what a paradox! In poetry its so beautiful. In reality, we find it so hard to let it go. We do not.

What is black and white? What is this side or the other side? Who are you? Are YOU really there?

In search of these answers, I discovered Vipassana. I have a wise old friend who would bear with my questions and the paradox of answers and he suggested I go away to a Vipassana course because my mind is too seeking and I shall find my answers.

We once saw The Doors and hummed away – Break onto the other side where we spent a long evening discussing what Jim meant.

I finished the divine course and met him again for a rendezvous of my experience and I proudly looked at him as I uttered those impressioned words ‘I broke onto the other side’. Serenely he replied ‘There is no other side.’

Our living is mystical beyond a point. No questions and no answers.

The seeking is what has created the consuming novels, books, songs and the grandeur in any form of story telling. Because we always live in a hope of knowing something more, finding something more. The quest of these seekers and their creations glues millions to follow what has been experienced by them. In commercial terms, it sells. It sells dreams, creates fantasies or an aspiration, a belonging or a longing. At the cost of sanity or life, the creative mind seeks .. relentlessly. Till he has no further answers to himself. He does not know how to stop and live the mystery again. The hopes and dreams of a million people rest on him.

 

 

 

 

 

A little about Jagga Jasoos Film

After long I sat for 3 hours watching a cinematic experience. I had developed a phobia a few years ago to be inside a dark theatre watching senseless direction and stories that would take away precious hours of my life. So I avoided watching movies.

These days you can look at the poster, first trailer and know for sure that it would be worthless to watch a film, waste money and time, eat compulsorily from the over priced pop corn counter in the multiplex. Cannot think of the last movie that surprised me. It was probably Drishyam and delightfully it played on my television screen post 4 months of release. Good cinema is such a rarity, it has become the art in a museum that as a layman once in a while is able to appreciate and understand.

Jagga Jasoos : I tried to look beyond Ranbir Kapoor and Katrina Kaif as entities and really got pulled in with the cinematography. The story also seemed to appeal the Agatha-Christie-setups in my head. I prayed for the story to be simple in its narration because if it was to be as the Christie novels it might fly right over our Indian audiences. The movie is a musical. It has 28 songs that communicate the film and the narrative throughout. This is the first for a Bollywood movie. Musicals have remained mostly confined to drama and live performances.

Anurag Basu has beauty in his stories. And the highest raking films in India are family films no doubt. This film is a wonderland for children, young, adults altogether. Capturing the essence of the North East India and giving us the breath taking visuals across Morroco was such a break from the monotone of locations.

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Ranbir Kapoor

The boy takes effort. He has a good screen presence and works well with comedy as well as a ‘happy face’. Touted as the next superstar from his first film, Ranbir comes with a legacy in Indian cinema. His depressing roles and movies in between really sucked the energy out of his fandom but he is young, plays around and slaps his butt now and again to retain our attention. He is someone who will simmer for a long time.

Great work in Jagga as Jagga. He stands true to the story and its need. But I personally am fed up with his roles stereotyping him with a sad story.

Katrina has been directed well. She does a good job of being accidental. I am happy she got a chance to act pretty good part in the movie. Her being a plain jane makes her so approachable something which she needed now.

We need an uncomplicated movie once in a while which just drags us into the story and safely drops us home like a smooth car with great suspension.

Watch it and delight.

 

I’ll tell you why there are so many abandoned dogs.

It is not easy to own a dog, And no one makes it easy for you.

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I have two german shepherds of my own. I had a great love for dogs and after causing some hell, two beautiful and intelligent beings entered my life and changed it completely. Everyone feels love for cute and cuddly dogs. Even looking at a pup and wanting it more than ever feels great.

I will tell you what happens after you bring the pup home. They pee and poop anytime. They need to be fed atleast 4 times in the day. At night you have to be careful where they are and step accordingly in the dark. And you will have to become a morning person overnight. A puppy is not just something to show off or cuddle whenever you want. It is a lot more responsibility. And I am not saying that new pet owners do not know this. It obviously takes time for a pet owner to understand all this and change their life accordingly. Just like when a baby comes home.

The pup he or she has its own behavioral characteristics. Over the period of a year, they will make it clear what they want and don’t want as well. The puppy is not just going to stay cute and cuddly. It will be demanding, it will take time to accept you and find a place in your life.

I will tell you the difference in having a human baby and a puppy. Ofcourse it is a huge difference. The baby is welcomed in the human world but one and by all. It is given love, respect and lots of attention by one and everyone alike. When you will have a puppy, the humans around you will break up into two segments. One who adore you for this and one who just hate having dogs around. That means your relationship dynamics change overnight. You are totally responsible for the pup’s life and most of the time the near family also resists the puppy coming into their homes. So with this pressure a pet owner starts on the difficult and all confusing journey of giving the puppy everything it needs while still living in society taking care of individual preferences of people towards THIS choice of your life.

You will live in near panic almost all the time you take your puppy out. You will hold onto dear life as your puppy spots a cat or other dogs and bark because they want to meet them. You will have your heart in your mouth when they bark at home or outside. You will fear it will drive other people away. You will always see the most disgusted looks on other society members while your puppy makes it from the elevator to your home and outside for a walk.

Somehow, in Indian cities, and now the so called maintained townships, people equate a puppy or a dog with dirt everywhere. So you will always hate it when your puppy innocently pees or poops in front of other people. People expect the puppy to be a responsible citizen of this country from the moment you decided to bring it home.

Children will play with the puppy and their parents will warn you for impending dirt and gems from your puppy that might affect their children. Elders will find you crazy and misfit in marriage because you got a puppy. Practically no one who lives in your building will love you after that point. And every challenge of making the puppy grow up will be a double edged sword for you that will sink in your system.

Your maid will not last long because there are always too many hair to clean and she only signed up for zooming the broom in one stroke across 5 rooms.

If you live in a huge township, there will be letters from society management that your dog was found running in grass and there are broken plants that could be because of your dog. Most incidents that happen in your society will find a way to be blamed on you and your dog. If you live in Pune, where I stay, the housekeeping people will come at your door and yell at you for every patch of water collected in the lobby. They will also not clean the society gardens of any poop, I mean it could be from the cats or strays but it Becomes your responsibility CAUSE YOU OWN A PET.

Your puppy will then want your attention and want you to play with it, be proud of it and you will be sick tired from all this new found negative attention and hostile abandoning from the human race. You will then yell at your puppy or beat it wanting it to behave more like a human and you will find yourself sinking because no one is going to help you survive this. You will regret that you brought the puppy and now you cannot give it a life you thought you would. Your puppy will demand to run freely and play with it in a garden area. And the human race will cuss you for it. Finally you will get tired facing everyone inside your family and outside and decide to give it away before you beat it more and see it sad.

Doesn’t sound like a good story isn’t it? There are many who become bold from all this isolation and live their life with their pets the way they want and ignore all the naysayers and problem creators and you know what HATS OFF to them.

It takes 2 years to live with a puppy and learn what it is like to be a pet owner. Its like you are heading a revolution that is going to be for the better of the world but in your own time, you have to pay heavily for your peace.

It is not easy. To add to all this there are finances required to manage a puppy and of course the growing organizations that will punish you or take your pet away if they feel you are being cruel to it or its being abused. There are also pet services but which cost a bomb. Not to forget your TIME And your source of income all which have to be managed alongside.

In India, animals have no respect and those who are with animals are also treated the same. We need compassion and understanding for all types of people. Everyone makes their choices for their own peace and love. Some get married, some do not, some have children, some do not, some have one dog and some choose to have 2, like me. When our way is not appreciated and we are pressured to give it up, will we remain peaceful and loving beings?

The fact that someone abandoned their dog does not tell you their full story. He probably saved his dog from being abused and hurt from his own anger and he gave away the dog because the guilt and failure of not living up to the dog’s life is killing him everyday. It would never be easy to look into the puppy’s eyes because they will make you fall in love and destroy you for having done this to them.

It is true that training your pets and training your self to be accepting and kind towards everyone and focus on what works for you is an Emotional Intelligence trait that will help us all. Because all the challenges listed and many more; they are not going to stop. Somewhere you will realize your pet made you resilient in this showbiz of human society and what you got in return was a true friend for life.

Again, Hats Off to all pet owners.

 

A vlog on the Mumbai Traffic

​​Mumbai.. concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there is nothing you can do. This is true for the Mumbai traffic as well. There is nothing you can do. 

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Vlogging in Mumbai traffic because I can.

Travelling with a spontaneous, sarcastic friend is always a treat, ain’t it? 

Have fun and leave comments. 

Ciao

You can also play more videos on my YouTube channel. Just search for Sneha Mallya sne631@gmail.com